Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She bit a glass in half.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
