Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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