dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
