The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
