He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You made out with two different species that night
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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