Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize