she woke up with a sticky ear
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
