guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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