U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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