I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
