Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
