We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
