I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize