Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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