mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize