dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
