Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
