I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
