Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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