I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
