naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize