I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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