I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.  Â
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
