he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
