the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
