apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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