i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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