Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
