I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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