I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
