My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
