woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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