Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
