You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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