Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
