she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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