So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
