You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
