spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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