I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
