im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
