If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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