i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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