so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
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javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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