Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
