Your tits are I can't wait for
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
