She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
