meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
