i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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