When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
