he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
