"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
