Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sarcasm needs its own font
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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