ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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