Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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