the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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