When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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