Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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