At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
