matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
