Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
