you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
