I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
