Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
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you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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