Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
