like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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