Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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