i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
