Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
