he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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