I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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