I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
