Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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