He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
