Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
