I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
