For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
