I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
