he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
