It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just googled if crying burns calories
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I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
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Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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