I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
